Monday, April 23, 2012

Hard Times

I've had my share of hard times, I suppose like about everyone else.  I've miscarried a child (not the same as losing a child, but difficult none the less).  I've not had much money but have always known where my next meal is coming from.  I've raised 4 teenagers.  Enough said there.

I've lost everything (my home, my friends, people who had been family, and my church) and I had to start over and re-built again.  I've had dreams crushed - smushed dead - and I after I felt so lost I didn't know what to do except cry for months.  Eventually I was able to stop crying and I told God "it's all yours". 

I've been gossiped about - persecuted - left out - and have been told I'm not forgiven when I tried to reconcile with someone. 

I've been so confused about what God wants me to do that I didn't know what to think.  I've wondered if I'll ever know.  I've prayed and prayed for years for different things and when the answer came it wasn't at all what I expected. 

I've been miserable in jobs and have had to leave (move away) from jobs I loved.  

Why am I telling you all this?  Well, it's because I can't stand it when people talk about how fabulous and fun the Christian life is.  They make it sound like fairy tale land.  I want you to know walking this narrow road is no fairy tale.  It's real life. 

I also want you to know that I wouldn't trade it for anything.  I want you to know that in the middle of all of my crushed dreams and losses, God has been right there with me...holding me.  God suffers with me.

I used to think when the author of  James talked about being joyful when trials come that I was supposed to suck it up and say, "Praise the Lord anyway." That never felt right to me.  It felt fake.

What I've learned (the hard way) is that God's not fake.  Jesus is real.  He understands suffering.  But, he also knows the resurrection.  What I've learned is that when I am in the middle of a trial it is God who raises me up.  It's God who holds onto me.  It's God who is faithful and because I've suffered, I know God in a deeper way.  I wouldn't trade that for anything. Ever.  I would go through every trial again (if need be) to be closer to God. 

He is my sustainer.  My shepherd.  My way.  Love. Joy. Peace. Patience. Kindness. Goodness. Faithfulness. Self-Control. 

I am not those things - HE is. 

Hard times are no picnic, but they are worth it because it's where Jesus holds you ever so close. 

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